Supporter Profile: Frankie Luna
1: Describe yourself.
6’2” Half German, Half Pennsylvania Dutch.
2: What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.
It doesn’t really matter, we’re hopelessly devolving into a third-world country.
3: How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?
The sorority I’m pledging said that I had to support these two witless bozos if I wanted to get in.
4: At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?
The minute I clicked on this website. I’m not sure the sisterhood is worth it.
5: What is your voting history?
Traditionally I vote conservatively liberal-moderate.
6: Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?
My dad works for the IRS, do you need an audit?
7: How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?
By mandate of the governesses I’ve handed out fliers outside the public toilet in Venice, CA.
8: What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?
What office? Unemployment Office. These are the most hideously under qualified candidates I’ve ever met. But I will say the stupid-looking one is kinda cute.*
9: Are you on any prescription medications?
No, thank God. But I swear if I don’t make the house in the next week and let me wash the creepy uncle stink that these two produce off of me I’m going to start freebasing Ambien.
10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?
Not even to get into Delta Lamba Gamma.
* the stupid-looking one thanks you and blushes a little, you know while he makes cute little bashful circles with his toe. The slow one is too though, cause he’s too slow to realize you weren’t talking about him. I don’t have the heart to tell him. It’ll just be between us, okay? Cool. Poor bastard probably thinks that I’m the slow one. Poor basta- Wait! Am I the slow one? Is he the stupid-looking one? I never thought of myself as stupid-looking, but I’m feeling pretty freakin’ stupid right now I can tell you. That’s crap! That’s crap! Why did that take me so long to figure out? Because I’m slow, duh! Ugh! Wait, unless he’s the slow one. He’s the slow one isn’t he?