Needed: Possibly Sociopathic Hot Chicks

EDIT: 01.05.11  Welcome random internet surfers looking for information on the “brunette Snorg Tees girl.”  If you’re looking for the original one with the crazy eye, you’ll find this page useful, if you’re looking for the new ones, not so much, but just look around anyway, tell your friends, and thanks for the traffic.

I remember a day, not many years back where, no matter what website you went to, there would be an advertisement  crawling down the side of your browser window of an attractive brunette girl wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a wide array of pithy sayings.  Maybe she’s tugging at the shirt and she forgot to wear pants while her shirt extols the virtue of not needing pants.

Maybe she’s just happily standing in a doorway, possibly waiting for her pimp or a crack delivery while telling the world that she’s got an unhealthy affection for lamps.

"Hey sailor, know where I can score some Hamilton Bay?"

Maybe the voices in her head are telling her jokes so funny it’s hard to even stand up.

Laughing her way to the firing squad.

She’s the Snorg Tees girl.  THE Snorg Tees girl.

For those of you who don’t know Snorg Tees, this must be your first day on the internet.  I’m flattered you came here first.  Good work.  So let me break down the internet for you.  The internet is broken down into six categories:  Porn, sarcasm, facebook, shopping, grammatically challenged animals, and the collected knowledge of human history.

Occasionally they overlap. The grammatically challenged porn is very popular.

For today we will focus on only one thing:  shopping.

See, many people find lines, driving, and human to human interaction messy and unappealing.  For these people the internet brought forth online shopping.  Snorg Tees is one of these places.  www.snorgtees.com This place offers somewhat reasonably priced T-Shirts with questionably pithy to quite awesome single and dual color shirts, dealing almost expressly in repackaging pop culture references for a profit.

In the early days of the company, there was one model.  A stunningly beautiful girl with a crazy eye who you desperately wanted to get drunk with and make out with.  However you’d be slightly afraid that she might steal your wallet or stab you in the middle of the night.   A person couldn’t browse the internet without seeing a potentially sociopathic smiling face in a deliciously fitted t-shirt begging you to press her buttons and redirect to Snorg Tees.  For years it seems you could count on this one simple fact; crazy bitch will sell you shirts.

She's just waiting for you to blink before she strikes.

And then, one day… poof.  She’s gone.  America’s Sweetheart Sociopath was no where to be found.  In her place, Snorg Tees had hired a bunch of models.  5 of them at least, to do the job of one lunatic teenager with a great rack and a taste for human flesh.  And without her, Snorg Tees is just kinda soulless, no matter how many perky models they throw at us.

Not fooled by your production values and passive poses.

Her sane, ethnic good looks are like poison to my heart.

They can’t even get the goddamned brick wall St. Valentine’s Day Massacre shot right.

The firing squad was too emo'ed by her bland indifference to shoot.

And they’re even throwing a bunch of nearsighted guys in the mix, and they come closer to capturing the inner voices telling them to burn things expressions, but none with the same grace and panache as Crazy Eyes McGee.

Is that the same goddamned tee-shirt as the first chick?

and then there’s this guy.  What the hell, are you even trying anymore Snorg?

Can't touch this? Has that REALLY been a problem?

But none of them, not even the nearly comedically busty brunette girl can take the place of batshit crazy hot girl.

I've been told there are turtles on this shirt.

So what happened to her?

Well, her name is Alice Fraasa and she’s an Auburn University Alum.  She’s paid for personal appearances to just be herself.  No shit.  People pay her to show up and be herself.  There’s also pages of you tube videos devoted to her.  I’m not making this shit up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijD_UBI6QWk

See?

And seriously, what the hell?  My nephew gets deleted from facebook for copyright claims and this is cool?   Goddamn you so much internets.

There’s photos of her all over the internet, but if you’re going to go looking I’d suggest doing a Google search for Snorg Tees girl rather than Alice Fraasa.  One of them brings back mixed photos of Snorg Tees models, including Alice, the other yields 4 pictures of Alice and a disproportionate amount of gay porn.  Again, no bullshit.

Why does the name Alice Fraasa return so much gay porn?  I have no goddamned idea, but hey if you wanted to ‘accidentally’ find yourself a bucket of gay porn… there’s your key.  You’re welcome.

She still looks crazy. Damn that's nice.

So there you go, the highly abridged and almost meaningless story of the Snorg Tees girl.   A girl who nearly single-handedly helped put a small Georgian T-shirt company on the map by being equal parts hot and borderline crazy looking.

Wait, maybe Simpson/Hemstead needs a potential lunatic to model for us.  Are you attractive?  Might you be a lunatic, or at least look like you might get stabby at a dropped participle?  Do you believe in letting people take pictures of you while you’re wearing things?  I don’t care if you’re male or female, if you meet the requirements above, you could be the very thing we’re looking for to take Simpson/Hemstead to the next level.   Drop us a line.

Also, free shit.  So that’s cool.

Double also?  Go check out snorg tees, you might find some great last minute Christmas gifts for the ironic hipster in your life.  They do have some fun shirts.

www.snorgtees.com

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About boomoy

Making the world unsafe for dumbocracy

Posted on December 12, 2010, in American Heroes, pop culture, Sexy Adventures, shameless promotion/whoring, The Econonomy. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. If I weren’t so fat I’d be down!

    Like

    • “fat” or “thin” are all about individual preferences. Simpson/Hemstead loves everyone, of any size, shape, race, creed, color, or sex. Just so long as they’re not from Narnia. We don’t trust that place.

      Like

  2. Yeah I suppose so! I’m not from Narnia. I don’t even LIKE Turkish Delight!

    Like

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