I always get very excited for January for several reasons: my sister’s birthday, inauguration day, and one year closer to the statute of limitations running out.
But also it’s the time that the new Simpson/Hemstead slogan comes out (I accidentally typed that slowgan originally, I could blame the lack of sleep recently, or I could just go right ahead and admit it was probably a subconscious attempt at honesty in politics, and as you know, honesty in politics is what Simpson/Hemstead strives for). This year, we have a glut of slogans to carry us through the two-ought-eleven and I’m putting it to you, the supporters (yes, all 6 of you) to help us decide what the best way to promote Simpson/Hemstead for the new year might be.
We’ll start today with the bumper sticker. Our first piece of original merchandise. Here’s our three options:
This one cuts to the chase and just says, “the world is ending, why sit passively by and await ultimate doom when you can be an active hand in the instrument of your destruction.” Help us make a better Armageddon.
Other than the tag line, you’ll notice some other changes: the font on 2011 has been changed to echo the Vote. The blue has been shifted to less of a purple-blue and more of a sapphire color, and the tag line is another stab at truth in politics. Basically it’s the same doomsday crap as option 1, but in a less fire and brimstone sort of delivery system. (this is also called the Nisraque variant as the changes were suggested by newly inducted member Chestnut St. Nisraque)
It was brought up to Simpson/Hemstead that quite possibly we could be the saving grace that averts the 2012 Mayan prophecy. What if it’s the rampant age of entitlement bullshit we’re mired in that destroys the planet and not so much Hemstead playing “what does this button do” in the War Room (which has been one of our greatest fears to date. We’ve spent nearly 3/4 of our 2011 advertising budget on obedience classes for Hemstead. The good news? He’s nearly top of his class, with only that uppity bitch of a collie beating him in the agility obedience. Gold star for you, Hemstead).
So there you have it loyal supporters and bemused passersby, the three options. Please comment below and give us your thoughts.
Voting closes at midnight on the 20th.
My sister’s birthday.
And the birthday of our Director of Homeland Security, Scott.