2011 Slogan

I always get very excited for January for several reasons:  my sister’s birthday, inauguration day, and one year closer to the statute of limitations running out.

But also it’s the time that the new Simpson/Hemstead slogan comes out (I accidentally typed that slowgan originally, I could blame the lack of sleep recently, or I could just go right ahead and admit it was probably a subconscious attempt  at honesty in politics, and as you know, honesty in politics is what Simpson/Hemstead strives for).  This year, we have a glut of slogans to carry us through the two-ought-eleven and I’m putting it to you, the supporters (yes, all 6 of you) to help us decide what the best way to promote Simpson/Hemstead for the new year might be.

We’ll start today with the bumper sticker.  Our first piece of original merchandise.  Here’s our three options:


Truth in politics, the end is coming..

This one cuts to the chase and just says, “the world is ending, why sit passively by and await ultimate doom when you can be an active hand in the instrument of your destruction.”  Help us make a better Armageddon.



quality requires work, work requires skill, skill requires study, study requires attention to detail, attention to detail creates quality... Not the Simpson/Hemstead philosophy.

Other than the tag line, you’ll notice some other changes:  the font on 2011 has been changed to echo the Vote.  The blue has been shifted to less of a purple-blue and more of a sapphire color, and the tag line is another stab at truth in politics.  Basically it’s the same doomsday crap as option 1, but in a less fire and brimstone sort of delivery system.  (this is also called the Nisraque variant as the changes were suggested by newly inducted member Chestnut St. Nisraque)

And finally,


it's one hell of a gigantic ass, with Angry Video Game Nerd levels of hurt.

It was brought up to Simpson/Hemstead that quite possibly we could be the saving grace that averts the 2012 Mayan prophecy. What if it’s the rampant age of entitlement bullshit we’re mired in that destroys the planet and not so much Hemstead playing “what does this button do” in the War Room (which has been one of our greatest fears to date.  We’ve spent nearly 3/4 of our 2011 advertising budget on obedience classes for Hemstead.  The good news?  He’s nearly top of his class, with only that uppity bitch of a collie beating him in the agility obedience.  Gold star for you, Hemstead).


So there you have it loyal supporters and bemused passersby, the three options.  Please comment below and give us your thoughts.

Voting closes at midnight on the 20th.

Inauguration Day.

My sister’s birthday.

And the birthday of our Director of Homeland Security, Scott.

About boomoy

Making the world unsafe for dumbocracy

Posted on January 13, 2011, in America, shameless promotion/whoring, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I think 3’s your winner


    • 3 has a certain ring to it. Now to convince Department of Homeland Security to doodle me up some artwork to put on the shirts.


      • I’m not sure if my feminine wiles will work on the DHS – but anything for the cause


      • DHS is on board, but I’m sure he’d be overjoyed to know that you’re willing to use wiles for the cause.

        the anything part will get you in trouble because I have some ideas…

        …mostly they involve standing on busses shouting “Re-Elect Mayor Goldie Wilson” at pedestrians while the bus zips through the streets of L.A.


  2. I’m having a hard time choosing between #2 & #3. Both of them are equally snarky and I like that. The first one isn’t bad, but #2 & #3 are better.


  3. #1 has a nice cataclysmic charm to it, but that purple-blue is a major turn-off. #3 just stirs up painful butt-hurt memories that aren’t easily bandaged over. For my money (which I won’t be actually spending on any of these bumper stickers), I have to say that #2 clearly has it’s finger (or some other appendage) on the pulse of American Politics – both what the elected people offer, and what the voters demand.

    If you’re still considering applicants for your Cabinet, I’d like to offer my services to head up the Department of Naming Departments. For starters, I think DHS should be called the Department of Bustin’ Punks.


    • The first rule of cabinetry admission is: you must own a piece of Simpson/Hemstead merchandise.
      The second rule of cabinetry admission is: you MUST OWN A PIECE OF SIMPSON/HEMSTEAD MERCHANDISE!!!
      The third rule of cabinetry admission is: We will steal your idea about Department of Bustin’ Punks.


      • You drive a hard bargain. How ’bout as a licensing fee for blatantly ripping of my idea about the Department of Bustin’ Punks, you pay me in an item of Simpson/Hemstead merchandise of your choice? That way, I will satisfy the ownership requirement to take my rightful position in your Cabinet, without actually having to spend any of my own money. From the many, many hours I have spent studying the Simpson/Hemstead platform, and the many, many seconds I have spent incorporating the Simpson/Hemstead philosophy into my day-to-day life, it seems to me that such a solution would be a win-win/win. (Or possibly a win-win/draw, if Hemstead only scores enough to tie. I still don’t have a firm grasp on how Simpson/Hemstead scorekeeping works.)


      • Let me run this past the financial board and the office of Indiscriminate Backdoor Deals.


  4. I just spent the last three hours counting and re-counting the contents of my penny jar and have determined that I have somewhere in the range of $1.89 to $3.31 in pennies. (Shiny things make accurate counting hard, and all those numbers under Lincoln’s head kept messing me up.) Consider this my bribe fund to whoever holds the reins atop that mighty stallion otherwise known as the office of Indiscriminate Backdoor Deals. If the financial board needs to get their beak wet, too, have them negotiate a split with the ooIBD, because my ethical code prevents me from dealing directly with financial boards.

    Alternately, if there is any item of Simpson/Hemstead merchandise that costs in the range of $1.89-$3.31 (including tax and shipping), the bribe route may not be the most efficient way to resolve this problem. Efficiency sort of goes hand in hand with quality, though, so I think it makes more sense to stick with the bribery solution if your parties are amenable to it.


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