Corporate Lackey Wolverine

While getting coffee this morning I came up with a comic book character.  What if Wolverine gave up superheroing, let himself go, and then got a job as a mid-level button-pusher for Dyno-sys or something like that?

What would he look like?

I glanced to my right and saw my answer:

Corporate F*cking Lackey Wolverine

The greying muttonchops, the slicked, but spikey, kind of winged hair.  He paunchy belly, the Venti latte, the Dell Laptop, and the look of absolute disgust with his life.  This man is Corporate Lackey Wolverine.  Some of you might say, “where’s his cigar though, smartass?”

I say, “Strict no-smoking policy at work.  How can you interface with clients if you smell of Cohibas?”

No no, all that is gone now.  No smoking during work hours or in the morning.  No Pabst Blue Ribbon, now it’s fruity martinis with clients while on the road and discount party drugs that he’ll try “just this once” and has been for the last 5 years.

His claws are gone, but now he’s got 3 color highlighters in his left hand, two colored Post-It tabs and a 16 gig USB drive in his right hand.

 

Now he needs a theme song:

(his theme song is best said in Strongbad’s voice)

Dun-dun-dun-dun…..

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

He’s fighting for his bonus check,

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

His claws are gone and his joints are wrecked!

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

He can change your font size, and balance his checkbook!

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

Superheroing’s haaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd!!!!!

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About boomoy

Making the world unsafe for dumbocracy

Posted on January 17, 2011, in America, pop culture, The Econonomy and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. “His claws are gone, but now he’s got 3 color highlighters in his left hand, two colored Post-It tabs and a 16 gig USB drive in his right hand.”

    HAHAHAH

    Like

  1. Pingback: Corporate Lackey Wolverine: Update 092111 « Vote Simpson Hemstead

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