Dalmatian Alley: Part 01

Begun, this bark war has.  The dalmatians refuse to shut the f*ck up for even 10 minutes.  The owners are apathetic and unresponsive.  Cruella DeVille was starting to seem like a reasonable human being.

Picture of Reason

No no, there must be another option.  We tried talking to them again.  Pleading really.  The response was calling us terrorists and shouting at us that our grass was ugly.  Short of yelling “well give me back my jacket” just to out-stupid the neighbors, we were back to the mindset of,”make spotty coat.”

We tried bark arresters.  They failed.  We called the police.  2am, the male was barking, as he had been all day long.  The dispatcher didn’t even need to be told what the problem was, she said, “barking dog?  Jesus that’s loud, I’ll send a car.”  Cops knocked on the door.  The neighbors opted to not answer.  Officers told us to call them if we saw them come home because they are clearly dicks.  (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea)

The Minister of Propoganda decided to up the ante.  He found on the internet bark arresters guaranteed to work within a week.  Whereas the last bark arrester looked like a pack of chewing gum, this looked like the horn worthy of a cruise ship.  Whereas the last unit had three slits in the plastic to let slip the ultrasonic dogs of war, this had a cone the circumference of my fist.

Not Pictured: F@cking Around.

So they were mounted to the side of the house.  Two of them.  Like canons on a tall ship brought to bear on a target.

They be showin' their flank... load all barrels you scurvy dogs!

The first night, all was well.  The male came in the front of the yard and barked… he was noticeably confused, barked more quietly two times and then was quiet the rest of the night.  There were barks here and there, but it was pretty good.  Definitely better.

That was a week ago.

Sunday afternoon, the neighbors had a party.  All day.  Something must have been said about the ultrasonic canons (which I feel I should add, are completely safe and legal for the dogs), because at 11:30 that night the neighbor drunkenly strung a t-shirt between two pieces of scrap wood and screwed it to the fence in front of our bow canon, and moved an umbrella to block our aft canon.

We watched the drunken spectacle for a few minutes and then decided that tomorrow we’d move them three feet in any direction, rendering the blockade ineffective.

Well, we’ve not even had the time to do that today before the male neighbor decided to start spraying them with a hose to try and disable them.  These things have him pissed off to no end.

Keep in mind, we’ve talked to these folks for months, gave them several ideas on how we could work together to make the situation livable for us both, and we were called terrorists for it.  And we are still doing nothing illegal, cheap, or mean-spirited.  If there is no barking, they don’t go off.  There’s still over half their yard that isn’t being covered by the canons.  The dogs have the entire backyard to run, yelp, bark and so forth and it won’t affect them at all.  It’s only when they’re along the side 4 feet from our heads that these devices go off, and just simply provide an audible newspaper to the nose, so they learn not to bark on the side of the house.  We’re not dicks.

Okay, we are dicks, but not in this case.  And now this dude is trying to destroy property rather than come discuss the situation with us as we’ve asked, begged, and pleaded he do.   And it’s all on the security cameras.

So the Minister calls the police to ask for advice.  (We’ve been consulting the police since we came to the realization these folks would not work with out, be neighborly, or do anything other than lie to our faces and then go about ignoring the problem.)  The police say, “Cool, if he breaks them let me know and we can arrest him for vandalism.”

So that’s where Dalmatian Alley is folks, waiting for a full grown man to vandalize our houseship with a hose so we might invoke the power of police goodness.

Stay tuned, we’ll keep this updated as new things happen.

Post Script:   The canons are still working, despite the flooding.

About boomoy

Making the world unsafe for dumbocracy

Posted on May 24, 2011, in dalmatian alley, Nixonian Enemies List and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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