When I Grow Up
When I was a kid, I always wanted to grow up to look like Sean Connery or Harrison Ford, which seems pretty reasonable.
I also, inexplicably, kinda wanted to look like Quint from Jaws. I’m assuming that would be because I knew even back in my impressionable youth that women loved sea men.
Wanted: bow-legged women
But really, I thought that Harrison Ford (1980’s Harrison Ford, not approaching his 80’s Harrison Ford) was a totally achievable goal.
And then I grew up. Clearly I was not going to look like Harrison Ford. Sean Connery is still a possibility, and if my father was anything to go off of it’s a strong possibility. But as I’m approaching 40 I’ve come to realize that I look like someone entirely different: Harvey Keitel.
That’s not really such a bad thing, I mean go back and look at young Harvey Keitel, he’s not a bad lookin’ cat. He’s not Harrison Ford, but he’s not Robert Shaw either. Unfortunately, this isn’t the Harvey I resemble. No, I look like Point Of No Return’s version of Harvey Keitel;
it’s as if he’s thinking, “Sigh, I should probably go blog something about the Muppets…”
I know what you’re thinking, “No way, you don’t look like him.” So I’ve had my assistant take a photo of me as I look today, under the worst possible lighting conditions, on the realization that I look like PONR Harvey:
it’s as if he’s thinking, “Sigh, I should probably go blog something about the Muppets…”
I know, it’s hard to tell with the goatee and so forth, and the lighting is horrible… but you get the picture I think. I’ve had the photoshop wizards at the ScienceWerks add a goatee to Harvey to help you see the uncanny similarities:
It’s as if he’s thinking, “I should go blog about looking like PONR Harvey…”
The more I look at this the more I’m thinking maybe little Sim pson was just aiming realistically low with the Quint aspirations.
Jesus, I had no idea how much I looked like Bill Hicks, too.
Don’t make me draw a goatee on this one too goddammit.
So there you have it, in some alternate universe, Harvey Keitel and Bill Hicks got frisky after a night of watching Jaws and apparently I was the outcome. Try and sleep well tonight.
My question to you is, who did YOU want to look like when you were a kid, and who do you think you look like now? Please comment below or on the facebooks (here is nicer, but I can’t stop you from being not nicer).
Photo Credits: Honestly I have no idea who any of these photos belong to, so I shall link you to the source material –
Posted on September 12, 2011, in America, Candidate Bios, Forbidden Love, Oh Noes!, pop culture, ScienceWerks and tagged bill hicks, Harrison Ford, Harvey Keitel, jaws, look alikes, me, point of no return, quint, Sean Connery. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
I wanted to look like Rita Hayworth whan I grew up. Look more like Bette Davis in Whatever Happned to Baby Jane.
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I assumed that as a teenager I’d look like Olivia Newton John in Grease. Instead, I got compared to Jennifer Grey, or as the husband says “the hot chick in Red Dawn,” so that’s not a bad thing.
As a grown-up I figured I’d lean towards Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone because that seemed the epitome of grown-up-ness. Instead, I get compared to that British nanny that was accused of shaking the baby to death a number of years ago. (I Googled – Louise Woodward)
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