Category Archives: Supporter Bios

Shit just got real: my brain aneurysm

Shit just got real: my brain aneurysm.

Good friend of Simpson/Hemstead finds herself fighting with her body and her own mind when she discovers she has an aneurysm in a tricky place.

As you know, Hemstead has suffered from, and rallied back against a stroke in recent years, so this looming fear of WhatIf is close to our hearts.  A good read, from a good woman.

Advertisements

BUSIEST DAY EVER!!!

Congratulations supporters, 01.13.11 is the most HEAVILY TRAFFICKED DAY IN SIMPSON/HEMSTEAD HISTORY!

Special thanks should go out to Nisraque and Monkeyman for single-handedly driving up visit totals with their commenting, and a good pat on the back to SSS for her continued diligence and YEARS of dogged support.

 

All three of you win an ice cream cone.

No, we don't have mint chip.

And also a package of Fun Dip

or as we call it "Starter Cocaine"

 

The first one who guesses what movie I have in my mind right now gets an old shoe filled with Snickers Minis.

 

Thanks for your continued support, I hope to see you all in our underwear real soon.

 

 

The 2010 Campaign: There are boobs in this post I swear, please click. We need the traffic.

While searching the internet for fodder for the site, I typed “votesimpsonhemstead” into the google image search and got some pretty spectacular results.  

now that's politics I can wrap around my head.

Sure there’s only four pictures there now, but everything starts small, even something as deliciously round and voluptuous as http://www.votesimpsonhemstead.com.  We’re goin’ up all the time baby…  and with your help, and for God sake, multiple click-thrus we can get Simpson/Hemstead up to maybe at least 7 photos on Google, and one of them might even be full size.

And in regards to that, we’re launching the 2010 campaign… new bumper stickers, new t-shirts, new thongs.  But what will draw the people out for Simpson/Hemstead.  What’s eye catching enough to compete with the photo above?  

Ladies and Gentlemen, I unveil the catch phrase and artwork for the 2010 Vote Simpson/Hemstead campaign.  Please post thoughts, comments, and what sorts of apparel you’d like to see emblazoned with this art:

Or anything you're willing to pay 10 dollars for?

Supporter Profile: Samantha Holly

 

Nestling Up to the Heaving Bosom of Democracy

1:  Describe yourself. 

Impossible. Moody. Loving. Goofy. Entertaining. Fun-loving. Giving. Protective. Imaginative. Unique. Witty. Zealous. Cuddly. Experimental. Creative. Self-conscious. Feminine. Playful. Anxious. Passionate. Curvy. Affectionate. Romantic. Sincere. Inquisitive. Feisty!

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.  

Yucky!!

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead? 

Myspace

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”? 

When Simpson/Hemstead suggested it.

5:  What is your voting history? 

Uhh, well I have voted. That’s the history!

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency? 

Nope!

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers? 

Told them I would let them see my boobs if they voted Simpson/Hemstead.*

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why? 

Well, co-Prez of course.

9:  Are you on any prescription medications? 

Yes. 

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?   

Yes!

 * This is a class one, full bore supporter.  Willing to sacrifice body and soul for Simpson/Hemstead’s campaign.  For JesuAllaFasa sake people, if you weren’t going to vote Simpson/Hemstead before, I suggest stopping by Samantha Holly’s place for the most patriotic brrrrumski since the the Madison/Clinton debates of 1812.

Supporter Profile: Frankie Luna

Sorority Hazing is Getting Out of Control

1:  Describe yourself.

6’2” Half German, Half Pennsylvania Dutch.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

It doesn’t really matter, we’re hopelessly devolving into a third-world country.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

The sorority I’m pledging said that I had to support these two witless bozos if I wanted to get in.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

The minute I clicked on this website.  I’m not sure the sisterhood is worth it.

5:  What is your voting history?

Traditionally I vote conservatively liberal-moderate.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

My dad works for the IRS, do you need an audit?

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

By mandate of the governesses I’ve handed out fliers outside the public toilet in Venice, CA.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

What office?  Unemployment Office.  These are the most hideously under qualified candidates I’ve ever met.  But I will say the stupid-looking one is kinda cute.*

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

No, thank God.  But I swear if I don’t make the house in the next week and let me wash the creepy uncle stink that these two produce off of me I’m going to start freebasing Ambien.

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

Not even to get into Delta Lamba Gamma.

* the stupid-looking one thanks you and blushes a little, you know while he makes cute little bashful circles with his toe.  The slow one is too though, cause he’s too slow to realize you weren’t talking about him.   I don’t have the heart to tell him.  It’ll just be between us, okay?  Cool.   Poor bastard probably thinks that I’m the slow one.  Poor basta-  Wait!  Am I the slow one?  Is he the stupid-looking one?  I never thought of myself as stupid-looking, but I’m feeling pretty freakin’ stupid right now I can tell you.  That’s crap!  That’s crap!  Why did that take me so long to figure out?  Because I’m slow, duh!  Ugh!  Wait, unless he’s the slow one.  He’s the slow one isn’t he?

Supporter Profile: Francois Thraubcauq

From Up North I See Things Headed South

We find ourselves welcoming our first Canadian into our fold today.   Welcome Francois.  Welcome.  Now if you could just apply for citizenship, that would be dandy.

1:  Describe yourself.

36 years old from Ottowa.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

I just moved here three weeks ago to work in a copper mine up there in Montana,

So I don’t know a whole bunch about American politics other than your dollar

makes our dollar look pretty wicked, eh?

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

It would seem we share tastes in after-hours entertainment.  I encountered

Simpson hiding in a bush I was gonna hide in to watch this girl, Vanessa Hartooney-something

when she left the gym.  We ended up at a bar following a short jog away from a frantically sprayed

cloud of mace and met up with Hemstead.  They seemed like stand-up fellas.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

So we started drinking, right?  And while we were doing shots of liquid cocaine

I started seeing their point to having redundancy in your candidates.  ‘Cause you

see, for every 2 shots I did, each of them was only doing one.  That’s just smart

politics.

5:  What is your voting history?

Well, yeah, I’m from Canada.  I don’t know if my voting history counts.

I have read a butt-load of choose your own adventure books, and I gotta

say, I always slay the dragon and get the princess, if you know what I mean.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

I like to dress like a mountie, but no sir, I do not carry a badge.

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

I called my friends back in Ottowa and told them to check out this website

‘cause you know, my picture is on it.  But yeah, I don’t know if that’s gonna help none.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

I don’t really think they’re smart enough to be president, but you know, vice-president or secretary of education or something maybe.

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

Irish Whiskey.

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

Define nude.

Supporter Profile: Judith Salleigh

The Answer is Never at the Bottom of a Glass, But Forgetting the Question Might Be.

Please Welcome Judith Salleigh, the newest Simpson/Hemstead supporter.  We’re glad to have people like her on our team, and need to add more.  Would you like to be a supporter?  Comment below.

1:  Describe yourself. 

Good to the last drop.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.  

I think that all the states have politics, so I guess my answer is 50.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead? 

When they called my house.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”? 

When the voice in my head said it would make me kill my cat if they don’t get elected.*

5:  What is your voting history? 

I don’t keep records.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency? 

I’ve been affiliated with them from time to time, but they usually let me out once someone comes to pick me up.

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers? 

Mostly I show people pictures of my dog and beg them to help me save him from me by voting.  

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why? 

I think they should be president maybe.  Or whatever department handles putting people in parking garages.  I need more people in parking garages, because sometimes I don’t know where to go, and those lines and lines of orange cones are confusing.

9:  Are you on any prescription medications? 

I’m going to go with 50 again.. 

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?   

You’re kind of creepy.

* Simpson/Hemstead has never directly threatened the lives of any individual’s pets, nor any animal be it wild or domesticated.  We’re not above it though.  Get out there and vote.  The safety of your beloved Fluffy may, or may not depend on it.

 

Supporter Profile: The “Deke”

Time to Grab This Country by the Short and Curlies.

1:  Describe yourself.

I’m the heartland.  Where real Americans live.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

Bleeding out the ass.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

What is your problem?  I don’t ‘encounter’ men.  I’m not a gay queer or nothing.  I only encounter women.  Lots of them.  I encountered a Chevy full just this last weekend on my way home from breakin’ up with my girlfriend.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

I think it was when she started droppin hints that she wanted to get married.  Tying knots is not something the Deke does.  Sayonara baby.

5:  What is your voting history?

Voted Bush in double ought.  Voted Kerry in ought four.

I lost both times.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

I’m a cop.  Does that count?

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

i made some literature using Print Shop on my PC and pass it around at the station.  Also I made a Vote Simpson/Hemstead beer cozy you can buy off of my website.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

President.  Wait, what are they running for?

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

Bud Lights and Advils.

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

Little Deke would wave his flag proud for these men.  But that don’t make me queer.  And also Little Deke ain’t little.

Supporter Profile: Seraphim Rosewater Janikowski

The Vibration of Righteousness is in Our Hands

1:  Describe yourself.

22 year old daughter of Gaia.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

It’s sick and needs to purge the bile of negative energy from it’s innards from the processed food eating carnivores who run it.  America needs to rise up think with a higher vibrational energy.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

I saw them at an Earth First festival ministering to some sleepy looking boys who were smoking little handmade cigarettes and burning patchouli.  Shortly after I started listening the dark one said he needed to eat, so we spent 15 minutes touring the organic food pavilion until they both decided on fried onions that they said tasted like “Funyons”.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

After two more orders of Funyons they said they forgot to tell the sleepy Patchouli boys something and ran back off toward their tent, giggling.  It’s so rare in politics to see that sort of passion and… glee from helping others.  I was just so drawn into their aura.

5:  What is your voting history?

I don’t really vote all that often.  I find it adds too much negativity to my inner well, and I don’t like corrupting my third eye with the blinding light of ignorance.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

I’ve reached a vibrational plane where I’ve transcended your laws.

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

If it’s their destiny to win they will have to search for their higher light and manifest it themselves.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

Interesting question.  They don’t really have the math skills to do treasury, and I’m hesitant to trust the country to two men who haven’t declared a position.  Perhaps speaker of the house.

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

I don’t believe in medication.

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

Nude is the way that Mother Earth made us.  It would be false of us to deny our bodies the expression.  But I want 8% of the calendar sales.

Supporter Profile: Mary Ellen Shupe

ANYTHING is better than nothing

1:  Describe yourself.

30, brown hair, blue eyes, 5’7”.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

A tragedy.  I’ve spent 15 years voting (foreign and domestic) for candidates that may, or may not have been criminals.  Well, I’m tired of it.  It’s time that America got at least one candidate who practiced what they preached.  I don’t know if it’s these two or not, but I’m really tired of looking around.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

I’ve never met them.  But I have a friend who saw a commercial about them.  They talked only about honesty.  No muckraking, no dirty pool.  They didn’t even say what they were running for, or what party lines they were with.  They didn’t give me information I could later use against them by taking a side.  Or, at least that’s what she told me.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

Are you high?  Haven’t you been reading?

5:  What is your voting history?

I vote every chance I get.  Ever since I was four.  I used to make my parents give me the sample ballots they’d get in the mail and I’d fill them in.  I vote in foreign elections using the names of the recently deceased.  I vote for bills, measures, propositions, American Idol and what color to make the next M&M.  God I love Democracy!!

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

No, but I do feel righteous in my enforcement of the law because I think i’ve gotten so many of them passed.

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

I forwarded their commercial on youtube to my friends.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

I can control them, so I want them to have power.  Lots of it.  President.  Does anyone know what they’re running for?

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

I took myself off of it.

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

Go to Hell.

%d bloggers like this: