Category Archives: Supporter Bios

Supporter Profile: Vanessa Hartounian

Hoping for an end to the confusion

1:  Describe yourself.

26 years old.  Capricorn.  Single.

2:  What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.

Politics are so confusing.  It seems like things aren’t going well, but really, it’s hard to tell without a graph.  I’m pretty visually oriented and need at least a solidly put together puppet show to really grasp the events around me.

3:  How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?

They rear ended me in a parking lot and drove off without exchanging information.  But fortunately I was able to scratch their license plate number into my right thigh with a cuticle nipper.  The police tracked them down and I first met them face to face in small claims court 3 months later.

4:  At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?

During their defense.  Something about them I really connected with.  The blonde one gesticulates a lot and the other one uses Star Wars action figures to recreate any situation he’s trying to convey.  Very visual.

5:  What is your voting history?

I’ve attempted to vote in four elections in my life.  Only two were for president, one was for student council and one was a wet T-shirt contest at Jake’s Chowderhouse.  Every time I was confused by lackluster choices and a thorough disregard for the democratic process amongst the candidates.  That changed the day I met Simpson/Hemstead in small claims court.

They might have lost their case, but they won my vote.

6:  Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?

I don’t think so.  Can you explain what you mean?

7:  How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?

I didn’t realize I was supposed to.

8:  What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?

Hmmm… that’s a good question.  I guess I really haven’t thought about it.  What are we supposed to be voting for?

9:  Are you on any prescription medications?

Why do you ask?  Is there a maximum?

10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?

I thought that’s what those photos he took were for.

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