February 08, 2011
I’ve never claimed I’m not a judgmental prick, in fact I’ve embraced it. I’m just surprised it took you this long to process that information.
November 23, 2010
I think I’d like to poop a cobra before I die.
I think I’m okay whether I somehow pass a dangerous reptile through my rectum or I create a poop with the intricate detail that can only be “cobra.”
Either way I’m proud of my accomplishment.
November 24th 2010
Some of you out there think of Thanksgiving as a time to make hogs of yourselves at the dinner table.
Some of you think of Thanksgiving as a time to reflect on the white colonist’s poor treatment of the natives, who helped them survive their first arduous winter in a new land.
And then some of you think of Thanksgiving as a time to push a vegetarian agenda on your friends and loved ones and anyone who will listen to you talk about the slaughter of turkeys.
Some of you think of Thanksgiving as a chance to stuff a small bird into a larger bird, then stuff that bird into an even larger bird, and then stuff that bird into a turkey, and then stuff that turkey into a pig and roast it until it’s relatively salmonella free.
These people are geniuses. Bacon-wrapping a matryoshka doll of fowl. These people vote Simpson/Hemstead. Whoever figures out how to stuff that into a cow, and that cow into an elephant, and that elephant into a grey whale will become our Secretary of Commerce.
Happy Thanksgiving from Simpson/Hemstead.