February 08, 2011

I’ve never claimed I’m not a judgmental prick, in fact I’ve embraced it.  I’m just surprised it took you this long to process that information.

November 23, 2010

I think I’d like to poop a cobra before I die.

I think I’m okay whether I somehow pass a dangerous reptile through my rectum or I create a poop with the intricate detail that can only be “cobra.”

Either way I’m proud of my accomplishment.

Constipation does not exist in this dojo, does it?

November 24th 2010

Some of you out there think of Thanksgiving as a time to make hogs of yourselves at the dinner table.

Some of you think of Thanksgiving as a time to reflect on the white colonist’s poor treatment of the natives, who helped them survive their first arduous winter in a new land.

And then some of you think of Thanksgiving as a time to push a vegetarian agenda on your friends and loved ones and anyone who will listen to you talk about the slaughter of turkeys.

Some of you think of Thanksgiving as a chance to stuff a small bird into a larger bird, then stuff that bird into an even larger bird, and then stuff that bird into a turkey, and then stuff that turkey into a pig and roast it until it’s relatively salmonella free.

These people are geniuses.  Bacon-wrapping a matryoshka doll of fowl.  These people vote Simpson/Hemstead.  Whoever figures out how to stuff that into a cow, and that cow into an elephant, and that elephant into a grey whale will become our Secretary of Commerce.

Happy Thanksgiving from Simpson/Hemstead.