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L.A. Non-Consensual Conjugal Event Van

I don’t know why, but for some reason this vehicle sends shudders through my soul.  I don’t have a hysterical fear of vans, so it can only be a rapewagon.  I didn’t see it long from the sides, but I’m pretty convinced the words “Free Candy” were etched into them with a screwdriver.

Also a fine selection of ice creams and chloroforms

It’s like a food truck, but instead of some manner of “fusion” sliders it hands out unsolicited conjugal events of a non-consensual variety.

 DO NOT APPROACH THE L.A. RAPEWAGON!!!!

Where is Corporate Lackey Wolverine when we need him?    Even if he can’t fight the rapewagon he must know how to file an injunction against it or something.

Editor’s Note:  I’ve attempted to right this image 5 times now, but wordpress insists it lay on its side.  Perhaps wordpress is in collusion with the L.A. rapewagon industry.

EVEN MORE CORPORATE LACKEY WOLVERINE!!!

My God, he was there again this morning.  But he wasn’t alone.  He had a bodyguard.  A large black man who looked like he needed a crane or a team of small children to lift him from his chair.  He was glorious with his shit-head mustache caressing his chubby cheeks down to his chin.

He might have been Blob, but it’s hard to say.

Like this, only blacker and more velour sweat-suity.

I feel worse for Tracksuit Blob than I do for Corporate Lackey Wolverine, he at least has a job of some sort I think.  Tracksuit Blob just seems to Ed McMahon CLW’s startup company adventures.

I got out my camera to shoot the pair, but the landmass of a bodyguard was watching me.  I began to fear for my life, and then CLW spoke again.  Goddamn it he needs to stop doing that.  It ruins everything.  I can’t be intimidated by the mythos of Corporate Lackey Wolverine when I hear a little girl with a stuffy nose voice coming out of his big barrel chest.

I think I’m becoming obsessed with CLW.  There’s only one option.  I have to talk to him.  I’ve got to meet CLW and find out his story, it’s the only way I can put this to bed.  It’s beginning to distract me from the campaign.

Checking In On Old Favorites

DAY JOB!!

First of all, here’s a FAR better trailer for my day job:  Glorious HD goodness.

SNORG TEES

Secondly, after a long and exhaustive search, Simpson/Hemstead P.R. headquarters thinks that they’ve found us our Snorg Tees girl.  More info to come on that by the end of the week, I hope.

CORPORATE LACKEY WOLVERINE!!

We spotted him again!  It wasn’t that hard, he was at the same table at the same coffee shop we last spotted him.  I guess the CLW is a creature of habit.  This time he was taking photos of a CD jacket with a Canon 60D while a weathered banker’s box sat next to him with the words “2008 receipts and paperwork” written on it in red.   Possibly to remind him of the blood he drew in an epic fight with Mojo or Yuriko.

Audits can be a bitch

We overheard CLW talking to someone next to him and once I got past the fact that he sounds like a 10 year old girl with a head cold I focused in on what he was saying.  CLW is trying to sell audiobooks from his own website, apparently because he feels this market isn’t being serviced by Apple and Amazon.  Apparently he’s not doing so well because “nobody is buying books anymore.”  This has nothing to do with the fact he’s shooting product shots in a Starbucks, and he’s not Apple or Amazon.

I think I’m losing respect for CLW.  I felt sorry for him before, now I’m just pissed.  He used to be a retired superhero struggling to make it in the corporate world, now he’s just a retired superhero with a really shitty idea for a startup company.

I wish I got a better photo, but at the same time, I don’t know if my phone can capture shame.

I was hoping upside down would make the shame run out..

Corporate Lackey Wolverine

While getting coffee this morning I came up with a comic book character.  What if Wolverine gave up superheroing, let himself go, and then got a job as a mid-level button-pusher for Dyno-sys or something like that?

What would he look like?

I glanced to my right and saw my answer:

Corporate F*cking Lackey Wolverine

The greying muttonchops, the slicked, but spikey, kind of winged hair.  He paunchy belly, the Venti latte, the Dell Laptop, and the look of absolute disgust with his life.  This man is Corporate Lackey Wolverine.  Some of you might say, “where’s his cigar though, smartass?”

I say, “Strict no-smoking policy at work.  How can you interface with clients if you smell of Cohibas?”

No no, all that is gone now.  No smoking during work hours or in the morning.  No Pabst Blue Ribbon, now it’s fruity martinis with clients while on the road and discount party drugs that he’ll try “just this once” and has been for the last 5 years.

His claws are gone, but now he’s got 3 color highlighters in his left hand, two colored Post-It tabs and a 16 gig USB drive in his right hand.

 

Now he needs a theme song:

(his theme song is best said in Strongbad’s voice)

Dun-dun-dun-dun…..

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

He’s fighting for his bonus check,

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

His claws are gone and his joints are wrecked!

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

He can change your font size, and balance his checkbook!

Corporate Lackey WOL-ver-IIIIIINE!

Superheroing’s haaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd!!!!!

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