How the hell is Simpson/Hemstead just hearing about this?! It’s national freakin’ monkey day!
According to the website, this day is meant to celebrate all things simian, to scream like monkeys and to throw feces on whomever you choose. I don’t know about you, but I’m working up a big steaming handful of Monkey Justice for those in congress and their handlers who have suckled too long at the teat of our labors under the guise of national pride. I’m so glad I ate Indian food last night.
If you have a monkey, buy it something special. Also, bring it to me so I can hug it. I’ve never hugged a monkey and dammit, I want to. National Monkey Day seems like the perfect time.
But don’t bring me any of those uppity “too good for people” monkeys. They screw it up for the rest of the monkeys.
Helpful monkeys only. Like that one from Friends. Or this guy.
I stand by awaiting your delivery of helpful, philanthropic simians for my grateful hugs.