You will never change the faith of another by labeling their faith as stupid, you will only entrench them deeper in their beliefs.
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Hay Hemorrhoid?
What is a hay hemorrhoid?
Can hay get hemorrhoids?
We asked the ScienceWerks and they said hemorrhoids are vascular bodies along the anus that assist the excretory system with stool control that become a real pain in the ass when irritated. They told us, through a number of slides and graphs that made us giggle, that hay has neither the proper vascular system, nor a systemic excretory system to facilitate a need for hemorrhoidal structures.
So no, you may not have hay hemorrhoids. But “vascular structures that assist the excretory system with stool control that become a real pain in the ass when irritated” sounds a lot like something the current political system could use, so yes! We will be your political hemorrhoids America.
Now let’s keep your shit under control before you irritate us.
Supporter Profile: Judith Salleigh
The Answer is Never at the Bottom of a Glass, But Forgetting the Question Might Be.
The Answer is Never at the Bottom of a Glass, But Forgetting the Question Might Be.
Please Welcome Judith Salleigh, the newest Simpson/Hemstead supporter. We’re glad to have people like her on our team, and need to add more. Would you like to be a supporter? Comment below.
1: Describe yourself.
Good to the last drop.
2: What is your evaluation of the current state of politics in America.
I think that all the states have politics, so I guess my answer is 50.
3: How did you first encounter Simpson/Hemstead?
When they called my house.
4: At what point did you realize you were “ready for a change”?
When the voice in my head said it would make me kill my cat if they don’t get elected.*
5: What is your voting history?
I don’t keep records.
6: Are you affiliated with any law enforcement agency?
I’ve been affiliated with them from time to time, but they usually let me out once someone comes to pick me up.
7: How have you spread the word of Simpson/Hemstead to your peers?
Mostly I show people pictures of my dog and beg them to help me save him from me by voting.
8: What office do you see Simpson/Hemstead fulfilling and why?
I think they should be president maybe. Or whatever department handles putting people in parking garages. I need more people in parking garages, because sometimes I don’t know where to go, and those lines and lines of orange cones are confusing.
9: Are you on any prescription medications?
I’m going to go with 50 again..
10: Would you be willing to pose nude for a fund raising, pro-Simpson/Hemstead calendar?
You’re kind of creepy.
* Simpson/Hemstead has never directly threatened the lives of any individual’s pets, nor any animal be it wild or domesticated. We’re not above it though. Get out there and vote. The safety of your beloved Fluffy may, or may not depend on it.
