Simpson/Hemstead has used 2010 as a building and research year. We’ve experienced some tragic losses, including Sophia, our campaign strategist,
Larry, a good friend and kindred spirit,
(we will be discussing Larry more here at a future date)
and Arnold Drummond, wee-man and entertainer.
But we have also used this time to learn things:
Tea Parties used to be fun and easy going things that one could look forward to on a Saturday afternoon and now they just suck.
See? WTF, we give up teddy bears and Earl Grey for angry ultra-conservatives and Rockstar? And seriously… ROCKSTAR? Do these people REALLY need fucking Rockstar right now? They look like a zombie hoard for Christ sakes! This is how you make fast zombies, people. This is the shit Zack Snyder tried to warn us about.
We learned that to win elections you have to actually be aware of elections. (this was our bad)
We learned that simply by saying “But I’m Simpson/Hemstead”, lapdances and drinks do not become free; nor do the rules change once inside the champagne room.
Hemstead learned that he doesn’t have Bill Mumyesque powers to simply wish the cast of Jersey shore away to the cornfield.
And perhaps most importantly, we’ve learned that the best way to increase traffic to the blog is to post things.
Also, we learned that our supporters prefer turkey torture porn art to cute kid videos by a 10/1 margin.
We’ve listened and we will respond America. You will have more crayola-tinged animal death porn, and fewer cute kid videos.
Maybe this is what is wrong with America, too many cute kid videos on the internet when those kids should be drawing pictures of animals being slaughtered wholesale.
Also, we feel the Simpson/Hemstead-themed pornography demographic is being hideously underserved. We really still only have the one photo.
But we need your input, and your help. How do you want Simpson/Hemstead to proceed? More animal death (got it), also more regular updates (you can see we’re already on that one), and possibly more theme porn (we need your help on this one. Seriously, no one wants to see us naked).
Comment below if you’re interested in our porn outreach program. I’m lookin’ at you America.