Well we clearly didn’t win the recount for President. We even lost to Rosanne Barr which is it’s own kind of new confusing defeat. We even had Jim go through a life-threatening stroke (more updates on his recovery coming, the road is long and slow but fruitful) So now instead of racing to get another updated campaign sticker out the door, we’re switching gears.
Simpson/Hemstead would like to announce it’s candidacy for Pope. We see there is a vacancy coming up and we think that maybe we would be a nice fit for the Catholic church. You see, neither of us are Catholics, and we think that might be JUST what the church needs to carry it proudly into the new century; which we’ve just been informed started 13 years ago.
We’re not sure how popes are chosen, but we would like the College of Cardinals to know that we are available to start poping as soon as needed. I wear an XXL hat, so make sure that awesome napkin hat that popes wear has been let out some.
Really? “Poping” is not a word?
This is the first thing we’re changing when we start poping.
The Simpson/Hemstead Minister of Faith has just informed us that today is Ash Wednesday. Since we are devout followers of JesuAllaFasa and Hiz prime directive is “no day shall be lifted above the others in word or action so that the other days don’t feel less special” we weren’t exactly sure what that meant. So we got the ScienceWerks a palette of Four Loko (the good kind before the ban), and set them about uncovering the history of Ash Wednesday.
What they came back with was a 400 page explanation that used a lot of very big words characters we simply couldn’t latch on to without visuals, so the ScienceWerks put together this graphic for us.
So Simpson/Hemstead salutes you, Bruce Campbell for your contribution to film, history, and the human experience. And good for you, Catholicism for realizing the value of a damned fine character actor.
Now who do we talk to about Clint Thursday?