Blog Archives

10 Days of 10 Years Later – Day 07


I’ve always loved that lyric.  It was coincidentally the quote I chose for this day a few days ago, but becomes more timely since the passing of George Martin, the longtime producer of The Beatles.  Also coincidentally he produced a tribute album several years ago with celebrities singing Beatles’ tunes, and they’re mostly somewhat lackluster, but for this song he had Sean Connery do a dramatic reading.  And it was quite powerful for me.  It might have something to do with the fact that Dad was often compared to Sean Connery later in life, or perhaps that he is the one and only James Bond and I was raised with his voice in my head.

All these posts have been done in one way basically, I would think of a quote, or get lead to a quote that interested me, and write on that subject completely by the seat of my pants.  But as I’ve said, today was different.  I had today planned out from the beginning.  Or at least I had the bones of today planned out.  I’ve been talking a lot about the guy on the left side of that photo, and also quite a bit about the fella writing these posts.  But today I knew  I wanted to talk about the pretty blonde girl on the right of frame.  That’s my mother.

And today is the 10th anniversary of when she was diagnosed as “cancer free.”

That’s right, three days before we lost Dad, we were celebrating that we weren’t going to lose her anytime soon.  And that seemed to be Dad’s button on a running joke.

He had a penchant for inadvertently stealing her thunder.  She’d get diagnosed with cancer, he’d go into the hospital a couple of days later.  She’d finish radiation treatment and he’d get put on hospice.  She’d be given a clean bill of health, he’d die immediately after.  As my mother and I were sitting with my father’s body in his apartment, waiting for the funeral home to come pick him up she said through some tears, “You couldn’t give me a week, huh Bob?”

I’ve talked a lot about mom, and she wouldn’t want me to rehash the way I have been with Dad, but I urge you to read this to find out more about her.

As it turns out she’s been reading these posts, so I guess I was WAY WRONG when I said she doesn’t internet very well.  I found out this morning when she sent me an email talking about Dad and me and my sister.  It was beautiful and heart-wrenching.  I’d love to share it, but it’s not mine to share and would require too many annotations to make sense. But I don’t have the words to compete with what she wrote this morning.  And I’m not going to try to.

She’s an amazing woman, and I’m damned lucky to have her in my life.  So PLEASE, click on the link posted above and honor her on this day.  Share it.  Celebrate those that not only lived, but who do so with grace and style.  If you know her, drop her a line of congratulations.  She’ll probably be mad at me later for embarrassing her, but suck it, ma.  I love you and I’m so damned happy you are around.

As for you Dad, I’ll get back to you tomorrow.  Today’s about Mom.  You owe her that and a thousand percent more, so shut your trap about it.

Besides, you’ll get to steal her thunder again tomorrow.

Simpson/Hemstead’s List of Words That Are Fun to Say Like Sean Connery

It’s no secret we’re big fans of Scotland’s single greatest non-alcoholic export, so to start your weekend off right, here’s a list of 34 words we love to say like Sean Connery.  You can picture young and studly Sean Connery, or old and grandpa-ish Sean Connery if you like, the subtle nuance changes between young and old add a nice flavor.  However, I prefer to think of the smily grandpa Connery.  This list is by no means comprehensive, but it is a good start.  So pour yourself a glass of Scotland’s other greatest export and say them along with us.

  • Asbestos
  • Gubernatorial
  • Macaroon
  • Creamed Corn
  • Dianetics
  • Rapscallion
  • Cuneiform
  • Biz Markie
  • Synergy
  • Escargot
  • Susan G. Komen
  • Plutocracy
  • Rectify
  • Street Tacos
  • Sassafras  
  • Space X
  • Buccaneer
  • Sandalwood
  • Intestinal Buffer
  • Slim Shady
  • Dinosaur
  • Epilepsy
  • Sig Sauer
  • Buzzfeed
  • Justin Timberlake’s Myspace
  • Casserole
  • Ziccardi
  • Shag
  • Sea Shanty
  • Bruce
  • Spicy Burrito
  • Sexual Healing
  • Bromance
  • Gluteus Maximus

From the entire team here at Simpson/Hemstead, have a safe and silly weekend, and rememeber:

"Shtay Clashy, Shan Diegough."

“Shtay Clashy, Shan Diegough.”

When I Grow Up

When I was a kid, I always wanted to grow up to look like Sean Connery or Harrison Ford, which seems pretty reasonable.

I also, inexplicably, kinda wanted to look like Quint from Jaws.  I’m assuming that would be because I knew even back in my impressionable youth that women loved sea men.

Wanted: bow-legged women

But really, I thought that Harrison Ford (1980’s Harrison Ford, not approaching his 80’s Harrison Ford) was a totally achievable goal.

And then I grew up.  Clearly I was not going to look like Harrison Ford.  Sean Connery is still a possibility, and if my father was anything to go off of it’s a strong possibility.  But as I’m approaching 40 I’ve come to realize that I look like someone entirely different:  Harvey Keitel.

That’s not really such a bad thing, I mean go back and look at young Harvey Keitel, he’s not a bad lookin’ cat.  He’s not Harrison Ford, but he’s not Robert Shaw either.  Unfortunately, this isn’t the Harvey I resemble.  No, I look like Point Of No Return’s version of Harvey Keitel;

it’s as if he’s thinking, “Sigh, I should probably go blog something about the Muppets…”

I know what you’re thinking, “No way, you don’t look like him.”  So I’ve had my assistant take a photo of me as I look today, under the worst possible lighting conditions, on the realization that I look like PONR Harvey:

it’s as if he’s thinking, “Sigh, I should probably go blog something about the Muppets…”

I know, it’s hard to tell with the goatee and so forth, and the lighting is horrible… but you get the picture I think.  I’ve had the photoshop wizards at the ScienceWerks add a goatee to Harvey to help you see the uncanny similarities:

It’s as if he’s thinking, “I should go blog about looking like PONR Harvey…”

The more I look at this the more I’m thinking maybe little Sim pson was just aiming realistically low with the Quint aspirations.

Jesus, I had no idea how much I looked like Bill Hicks, too.

Don’t make me draw a goatee on this one too goddammit.

So there you have it, in some alternate universe, Harvey Keitel and Bill Hicks got frisky after a night of watching Jaws and apparently I was the outcome.  Try and sleep well tonight.

My question to you is, who did YOU want to look like when you were a kid, and who do you think you look like now?  Please comment below or on the facebooks (here is nicer, but I can’t stop you from being not nicer).

Photo Credits:  Honestly I have no idea who any of these photos belong to, so I shall link you to the source material –

Jaws on DVD

Point Of No Return on DVD

Bill Hicks Rant In E Minor

%d bloggers like this: